The alcohol use disorder associated with me was not that simple. My father died when I was a small child. It was so shocking for our whole family but especially it was devastating for me. I could not imagine life without him. Narcissism was also in my personality. So, it all started with negativity. After some months, I knew that there will be no one to support me in my hard times. I have to manage myself to do something in my life.
How did I start?
I passed my matriculation exam and started a part-time job in a workshop. Many customers used to taunt me and make me feel uncomfortable without any mistake. I was so disappointed and thought what my fault is? I wanted to achieve many goals but did not find any way to do so. My narcissism was also silently growing.
One day in the same event, a customer cried at me and disrespected me without my mistake. That day I wept for hours. When my colleague, another working boy like me, saw my tears he invited me to visit a place where there is no room for sadness. It was a private café and drinking was allowed there.
I never loved drinking. My mind stopped me from drinking. But at that time I was so exhausted that I unintentionally became involved in that activity. I knew that it was not good but it appeared that it gave me some kind of relief from my wounds. Narcissism was also there in me. My counterpart appreciated me and said, this world is very cruel for innocent people, just enjoy and forget your sorrows.
As I was talented and continued my struggle in life, I became successful. Money was also not my problem. But from my previous experience, whenever I felt any pain, I straight away used to go to a bar to stay away from distress. I am also not aware that when exactly I became a binge drinker. It was not a big deal for me to consume 5 or more drinks.
I was unable to spend my day without a drink. I tried many tricks but without any success. Whenever I somehow managed to restrain from alcohol for a couple of days, it seemed I would die without it and again started binge drinking. It is very easy to start a bad habit but it takes a special effort to get rid of it.
I read many books but found these books really helpful:
I am trying my level best to get rid of alcohol use disorder as well as narcissism. It is difficult but not impossible. My family is supporting me in this difficult time. I am sure I can do this with my will power and maturity got in the recent period. Moreover, it is clear now in my mind that the elements of sorrows, grieves, and sadness are part of everyone’s life. But it doesn’t mean to become addicted and ruin your life with your own hands!!